Hurry up and wait!

Just an update:

I spoke to the doctor's office today. They are faxing my insurance request with the information today. They said that BCBS CA usually has a response turnaround of 10 days to 2 weeks, but that they were allowed up to 30 days by law. ARGGGHHHHH!!!! More waiting.

I was told to start trying to lose weight to shrink my liver for the surgery. I wasn't sure how much time I had so I went full force. I have been on a low calorie diet with an emphasis on protein since my first visit. I have already lost 16.4 pounds. They said not to worry about losing too much for insurance approval since they use the starting weight. I am sooooo hungry and I want JUNK FOOD!!!!

I know... I know... it is just a start. Any weight I lose now will just make the surgery easier. I hear that after the surgery, it is easier, because you get full eating small amounts and you just aren't as hungry.

Another new thing I am considering is my goal weight. When I used to think about what I wanted to weight, I thought that I would be happy at my pre-marriage weight of 230. When I first started thinking about surgery, I thought, maybe I can even get back under 200. Since looking at people's posts on www.verticalsleevetalk.com I have considered that I may even eventually reach my "ideal" weight of 145. Since I have been the height I am now, 5'7.5", I have always weighed more than the charts recommended. My lowest weight in High school was 155, and I wore a size 10. I didn't stay there long.

Anyway, I am doing this to be healthy, not to look like some glam gourgeous skinny thing. I don't want any of the health problems that seem to run in my family.

Psychological exam

I went to get my psychological exam. Just an interview, filled out a background info paper about eating behaviors, and took the mmpi. I think it went well. It's strange to be on the other side of the desk.

Cheating

So I was driving to work the other night and there was a Whataburger right there in the parking lot. I thought, I have only had 853 calories today, I can have a small fry. I actually drove up to the drive through, but then I changed my mind and remembered I had a protein shake in my purse. So, I had the shake instead. It was definitely not as satisfying as a hot, salty, fatty french fry, but it was filling. By the time class was over, I no longer wanted the fries. Still, I see those chips in the cabinet every time I open it, and I smell the memory of fries with every fast food restaurant I pass. I know that after a while after the surgery, it is okay to eat fast food on occassion, and one woman at the nutritionist office says she eats chips with her lunch every day after VSG surgery. It is not forever, just until the surgery, and a little while afterward.

Frustration

This is why I hate diets and usually give up. I have not cheated or eaten any more than usual, but for two days in a row I have gained, not lost. Not much, and it's probably water weight associated to my cycle, or maybe it's because I haven't been exercising. I don't really know. It's just so frustrating. Ughhh.

I bought 2 new exercise Wii games today, Wii fit plus and Dance on Broadway. It's a whole lot more fun to exercise on the Wii with my daughter. This adds to the couple of games I already have. Just Dance is still my favorite right now. BTW I have lost 10 pounds in prep for surgery.

Visit to the Diatician

I went to the diatician yesterday. She took a history of my dieting and gave me a book to read. Some of the things that insurance requires is so funny to me. Do they think we spent our lives getting fat an woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and said " oh my god. I am fat. I think I will go and have surgery." seriously. Can't they just assume that most fat people have tried many diets. Anyway, I did my part. At least I don't have to try another diet for 6 months to get approval, like some people. The book gave me details on expectations for surgery and the diet I will be expected to follow. It makes it all more real. I dreamed about it last night. I watched them throw away my stomach and when I looked back I was skinny. It's strange to imagine the possibility of being skinny. I gave that dream up a long time ago, and now I can just barely imagine it.

MMMMM.... The Smell of Beef Slow Cooking

I started my new job teaching at a cullinary arts school here in Dallas. Its going to be torture. Smells... ahhhh.... the wonderful smells filled the halls all day long. I can only imagine how hard it will be once I have my surgery. Last night as I was eating my healthy snack, I could smell the rich aroma of beef slow cooking. The cherries just didn't seem so good after that. At least no one offered me any samples. I can do this! It has been a week since my Dr. appointment, and I have lost 5 pounds. I have a dietician consult tomorrow.

Finding Something Healthy at On the Border

I went out to eat with my family after a long day at my work (practicum). I usually have my shake in the morning, a light lunch, a light snack, and a healthy dinner. I knew I wouldn't get a break at work to eat so I ate a good breakfast, and had my protein shake between clients at about 2:00, so by the time I got to the restaurant, it was almost 8:00 and I was STARVING!!!! I love mexican food. I love the chips, salsa, cheese, sauces, tortillas, all the fat and salt. It is all soooooo good. So I hunted down the menu for something that appeared a little healthy, and I came up with the Tomatillo Chicken on the Fresh Grill page of the menu. It was not fajitas with guacamole and sour cream, but it didn't look half bad. I only ate 4 chips with salsa, and a little over half my plate of chicken, veggies and rice. I was very proud of myself. My hubbie did good too. He ordered the grilled chicken and pulled pork fajitas and stopped after 2. He is really trying so we can do this as a family.

Tomatillo Chicken 1 Serving 850 calories, 24g fat, 108g Carbs, 50g proteins, 6g fiber 2060mg sodium

I also took my before pictures. Yuck. Please sign waiver stating that you understand that you might suffer permanent damage to your psyche before viewing the pics.

At Hurricane Harbor Water Park

So I went to Hurricane Harbor water park with my kids today. I have given up thinking I will look anything but horrid in a swim suit and just hope that I am right that most people could care less. While there, I thought about all the rides that I won't be embarrassed to get on after I lose some weight. I am afraid of some of the tubes because I have nightmares of getting stuck and making the news "Fat woman thinks she can fit in the black hole" or something like that. Also, I wonder if the rides are rated for my weight. Am I going to be "the one" to break it. At least my weight makes me go really fast down the slides. I rode the kamakazi racers with my kids and ended up all the way at the end of the pool.